I seem happy right?
Well I'm not all the time. Actually most of the time. I'm Mariah and I'm someone you thought you knew really well. I am the girl who tries to smile even though it hurts. I am the one who tries to think positively about life, but can't think of anything good I am the girl who has been through hell and back Ugly, stupid, loser, worthless, etc. I've been called every word in the book I've suffered an eating disorder. I've been raped. I've suffered depression. I've been through verbal abuse.
Suicide was an option for me many times. Finally I got to the point where I was hospitalized for it.
I have friends. I have people who love me, but I don't know how to feel that love. I don't understand what that really feels like coming from people. Except for my mom of course. She is my best friend. She has done everything she possibly could for me.
I'm scared. I don't know what's coming for me. A lot of people don't know the truth about me. Who I really am. So here I am writing this. Being honest. Being myself. Coming out from behind the mask.
Sometimes I think I can't do it anymore. I'm get tired of building myself up only to tear myself down again. I can't help how and what I think.
Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather
Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares
When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares
'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather
Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares
When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares
'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this
Mariah. I love you so much dear. I know it's hard for you to really grasp how much some of us care for you, but I pray that you know that I am here for anything you need. I'm proud of you for getting this out in the open. I pray that it is the first step (well, not first) of the healing process. God has so many plans for you. You are truly a servant and faithful follower of His. You gladly do anything for His kingdom. He love you so much, and so do I!
ReplyDelete"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." --Joshua 1:9
<3 I'm proud of you for speaking out.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing yourself with us :) I love you and you are in my prayers each day! <3
ReplyDelete